The Vintage Dyme......

Dyme Does Latin America !...#2

2011-07-31T08:01:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I find a one-way ticket back to the US from Costa Rica for about $100 with the help of my son...problem solved.

Still didn't know where I was gonna stay, though. At the last minute, I decide to rent a room from a couple in the San Jose area. I'd found their ad on Craigslist the week before I left. Who goes and lives with complete strangers on Craigslist?...Me, of course. And I say, I'm not a gambler.

Dyme Does Latin America ! #1

2011-07-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm leavin'...Yeah, really! I'm just waitin' on this last birdie to leave the nest, and I'm gone !

Let me bring it up to speed...

Okay so, graduation is over. The last birdie, my 18 year old daughter Erisse is on her way to college. I'd been telling people that I was gonna leave the US, as soon my last child finished high school. I've sold everything in my house and moved out. All I couldn't sell, I gave away or locked up in my small storage unit that I've been paying $35 a month for, for the past three years. After staying with my smoking neurotic sister for over a week, I couldn't take it anymore. Enough money or not! I was willing to hop a bus to Mexico with a backpack to get the heck out of there. Mississippi was suppose to be a hit and run, not an almost six year commitment.

Even the Lord saw it was too much, and soon I might start taking some hostages. Don't ask who...hell, anybody! I'm now a middle-aged diva without a house or her stuff. It could get real serious at this point.

The Lord took pity. I booked a one-way ticket to San Jose, Costa Rica...couldn't afford the current round-trip prices and refused to pay them. Who cares, anyway...I wasn't planning on coming back anytime soon.

Problem....Costa Rican Immigration and the US State Department says you gotta show a ticket leaving out of Costa Rica. Damn...If it ain't always something !

SPIDER'S WEB...Script excerpt

2011-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

INT: RECORDING STUDIO - LATE AFTERNOON

Spider saunters in. We hear RANTING, as he makes his way over to Recording Studio 5. WES PIERSON, mid-20s, A & R rep for the label, is trying to calm his artist; HEIRESS, a vanilla pint-sized pop diva, on the edge. Heiress spots Spider standing near the soundroom entrance.

HEIRESS (to Wes)

Oh, now you can get outta my face.

(pointing)
You need to straighten this out, Spider!

WES
(to Spider)
Good. You talk to her.

Wes walks off.
SPIDER
(to Heiress)
Let's talk.

Spider takes Heiress aside.
SPIDER
(continuing)
What's goin' on, Heiress ? You're making everybody crazy down here.

She paces, hands on her hips, agitated.

HEIRESS
What's goin' on here, is that the gotdamn back-up singers are singin' off key. That's what's goin' on here !

Spider looks across quickly, then sighs.

SPIDER
All right. Who do you think is singin' off key ?

HEIRESS
(louder)
What do you mean THINK ? I won a gotdamn Grammy ! Don't you think I KNOW when somebody's fuckin' singin' off key ?...Gotdammit!

SPIDER
Calm down! I don't have time for this shit today, Heiress.
You're costing us studio time. I don't do this kinda shit anymore.
Just tell me who's off key, alright ?!

Heiress looks across to the singers, venomously. Finds her target.

HEIRESS
Gail!

SPIDER
Gail Mason ? Cut the shit, Heiress. Gail's one of the best in the business.

HEIRESS
Well, she sings like she's got a crow up her ass.

SPIDER
You familiar with the sound, sweetheart ?

Her eyes burn through him like acid.

HEIRESS
OH!...So the asshole's got jokes ?!

Stupid Relatives Wanted!

2009-10-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

C’mon...We can all think of at least a couple. Well, here’s your chance to get back at the one who stiffed you for that 300 smackers, bet your rent money on a cockroach race...or sent your beloved kitty to the vet intoxicated, because “he looked thirsty”.

Or….maybe YOU are the family idiot. ‘Fess up….what’d you do?

Send in your submissions of ridiculous acts committed by the kin folks. (Don't worry...Their full names will not be used in the book, nor yours, so don’t stress about the inheritance).

Hurry, before the next family reunion!!

Attn: Relatively Stupid

E-mail your submissions to: stupidrelatives@yahoo.com

Still Here...

2009-07-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned...It's been a long time, but I'll be back.

Promise!

Cougar VS. The Kitten.....

2007-01-14T18:18:00.000-08:00

Cougars...Is the term being used for beautiful, wealthy, older women who date younger men. Normally, these are 40+ women who have decided that what older men have been doing for centuries with younger women...they can do better. The men they date can be as much as twenty years younger, and yes, totally fine.
Gigolos?...That would be the first thought that comes to mind, but these guys say they're in it for the real thing. Yeah. They say that a relationship with an older woman is a welcome change to the younger women they're used to dating. They say that maturity and security are the positives to dating a Cougar. Older women don't have toddlers that they're looking for a baby's daddy. They're not still working their way through school, sleeping their way through the clubs, looking for a man to take care of them, or take them to the mall. These women are strong and have already been where a younger woman may still be trying to get to. They provide stimulating conversation absent of the superficial, and are rediscovering 'fun'. And of course...there's the sexual prowess of an experienced older woman!
With the shortage of eligible men in a particular age group, economic status, or even mental capacity, older women are finding that they're having to make some changes to their "lists" or the one that society deems suitable for them.
So, are they stealing from the Kittens?
They'll get over it. Afterall, they've got youth...and old coots willing to be their "Sugar Daddys".
Let me hear your thoughts or whether you have a preference.

Go ask the Boss!

2006-09-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

GO ASK THE BOSS!

Writer, speaker, and former international model is here to set the record straight for you. She offers her advice on everything from relationships to pop culture.

Candlelight and Chocolates......

2006-09-15T16:27:00.000-07:00

Is that what we really want?

If you ask a man what his idea of being romantic would be....Most likely, you'll get answers along the lines of giving flowers, a candlelit bubble bath, or maybe even leaving love notes on the bathroom mirror for his lady love. But, are these nuiances really the way women gauge a satisfying relationship? Or are these appreciated perks, less important to some of us than others when it comes right down to what really makes our hearts skip a beat?

While Terry, 38, Atlanta, says that flowers and a tennis bracelet are the right romantic moves to get her attention...Joey, 27, Los Angeles, finds that simply spooning on the couch while watching TV is enough to create magic for her. Going through a divorce forced me personally, to re-examine just what my true romantic needs were. Was it just the fact that my spouse no longer wrote me poetry that caused my complaints of romantic deprivation? Hardly. Self-discovery can be a beautiful thing. It is the moment when you're truly ready to acknowledge the voice of your soul rather than that of your girlfriends, or society's ideals about romance.

What is it that truly makes you smile and say, 'He must've heard the voice, too.'? For some, it may be the amount of cash your lover shells out on your romantic interludes that coherces you into keeping him. But after a long day on her feet, Linda of Chicago, finds that a foot massage and pedicure given by her man to be a more welcome surprise than a vase full of expensive poseys. However, most women won't argue that candlelight and chocolates are great romantic overtures. For me, the real thing is having your sweetheart call you each morning (even long distance) to ask the question....'What can I do for you today?'

You see, this is where it all starts. Most women will agree. Sometimes, you just want to know that a man cares enough to ask if there's anything at all you need. It could be picking up your dry-cleaning for you, or taking your child to the dentist, or maybe you don't need anything at all. But, wouldn't we all appreciate starting out our day at least hearing the question asked?

All that's required for good romance is sincere effort and consistency. So, the next time you complain to your man about being more romantic, ask yourself if it's really another Hallmark you want, or simply for him to say, 'I love you' every night before you go to bed. I'd take this over Godiva's any day of the week.

Doo Doo Dates.....

2006-09-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

Just Why?

Okay, here's the situation...a small group of women recount their craziest or worst dates in recent weeks (myself, included). I've left out names... not for the women's benefit, but to protect the men who took us out and forgot to stop and buy the book to tell them what to do (or what not to...you'd think they'd know this stuff)!

Mine, didn't think it was necessary to wear socks...with dress shoes. Why?

Anyway....

Lady #1...Okay, you know I'm like Monk when it comes to germs, right?
Lady #2...(snicker) Okay...What happened?
Lady #1...Mr. X came over to my house the other night to watch some DVDs. Well, I noticed that he was touching the inside of his nose, repeatedly. Then he kept trying to touch my hand, so I kept on moving it. Then...he goes to my refrigerator and starts looking around in there. Girl, I couldn't take it no more!
Lady #2...So, what'd you do?
Lady #1...I told him to wash his hands and go home!

(laughter)

Lady #2...Okay, I got one for you. How about, I'm sitting in the restaurant next to my date but I can't stop staring at the back of his neck, because his hairline goes all the way down to meet the hair on his back.

(mouths open, in disbelief)

Lady #3...Uh uh, what?

(more laughter)

Lady #2...So, all these images are going around in my head and I start trying to figure out how you can work hair clippers into foreplay!

(hysterical laughter)

Lady #3...But wait...I asked my date why he'd never been married at his age. He turns to me and says, "I got issues."
Lady #2...At least he's honest.
Lady #1...Did he say what his issues were?
Lady #2...Did he need to? The brotha said he had issues...it's time to call a cab.
Lady #3...Or cousin Bubba 'an nem'!

(laughter)

Just Why?

Bad Karma....an excerpt

2006-09-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

One of mine...
PROLOGUE

Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she removed the two chocolate candy kisses from the left-side pocket of her cardigan. She could feel a churning down deep in the pit of her stomach. She was sure that at any moment, her knees might buckle from underneath her. She carefully removed the foil wrapper from one of the candies, and popped it into her mouth, placing the other in the mouth of the dead man. The sweet euphoric taste of the chocolate quickly soothed the sick feeling that had suddenly come over her. The sight of blood always had this effect on her. And this guy was a real bleeder. She hated that.

Karma Beaumont glared at her now chipped, brightly-colored thumbnail in disbelief.

"Damn, you!" she said, kicking the dead man hard in the ribcage. "...It'll be at least another week before I can get this fixed." She knelt down beside him and took something from her pocket.

"Slipped your mind, did it?...Well, here's a little reminder for the afterlife."

Karma wrote the words, "CALL ME" across his forehead in crimson red lipstick.

M.A.C., in Lady Danger, works like a charm.

Swimsuit photo

2006-09-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Just for the Smell of it....

2006-09-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, Fellas....Listen up!

We've all seen and heard the stories about how pheromones help us to attract the opposite sex, right? Well, I'm gonna take out the scientific stuff and tell you the real tee on getting a woman to jonesin' for you. It's up to you to keep on makin' it do what it do!

Most women have a heightened sense of smell (I'm leaving out those with chronic sinus problems or deviated septums, so don't go sending me e-mails telling me how your girl can't smell anything). Good or bad...our nostrils send the alarm to our brains pretty quickly. Now, whether that's good or bad for you...I guess depends on how you smell.

I, personally, can be drawn to a man or immediately turned off by his scent. It doesn't necessarily have to be offensive "B.O." that turns me off...he could just smell weird to me.

Now, a good smelling man.....Oooh...Aahhh!!! Here's an example;

About twenty years ago, I was riding a crowded bus and I caught a whiff of a man that was up near the front. I couldn't see him, but baby, I could smell him. We know how gross busses can smell, but this guy's cologne made me forget all about the musky guy next to me who was rubbing up against me way too much. His scent took over my senses and I closed my eyes (no, not the musky guy). When the guy upfront got off the bus, I and my aroused nose, followed.

For two blocks...In the opposite direction of where I was headed!

I finally came out of my trance and approached him. "Excuse me, but I've been following you for two blocks...and no, I'm not a stalker. You just smell so damn good", I said. He gave me a blushing smile. I continued, "Will you tell me what cologne you're wearing?" I asked.
"Grey Flannel by Geoffrey Beene.", he answered. So, by the end of the day I'd purchased a bottle....for myself. After that, every special guy got a bottle. So, here are some hints; (for those who don't need them...I luv U!)

Do not arrive at a woman's house smelling like stale beer, cheese, funk, or pork rinds. A real deal breaker!
Do not drown yourself in so much cologne that we want to drown you.
Do smell so good that you make us LOOSE OUR MINDS!!!

I recently discovered a sample of a new men's cologne in Essence magazine. It's by Sean John and called Unforgivable. Mmmmm.....Check it out fellas, and see if you like it.

So, what's the purpose of this blog?.....Smell yummy for us, we appreciate it!.....Oooh!