Stupid Relatives Wanted!

C’mon...We can all think of at least a couple. Well, here’s your chance to get back at the one who stiffed you for that 300 smackers, bet your rent money on a cockroach race...or sent your beloved kitty to the vet intoxicated, because “he looked thirsty”.

Or….maybe YOU are the family idiot. ‘Fess up….what’d you do?

Send in your submissions of ridiculous acts committed by the kin folks. (Don't worry...Their full names will not be used in the book, nor yours, so don’t stress about the inheritance).

Hurry, before the next family reunion!!

Attn: Relatively Stupid

E-mail your submissions to: stupidrelatives@yahoo.com

When A Man Has Nothing to Do....

He will bug the sh## out of you.
Seriously.
Isn't that what his buddies are for?

Still Here...

Stay tuned...It's been a long time, but I'll be back.

Promise!

Cougar VS. The Kitten.....

Cougars...Is the new term being used for beautiful, wealthy, older women who date younger men. Normally, these are 50+ women who have decided that what older men have been doing for centuries with younger women...they can do better. The men they date can be as much as twenty years younger, and yes, totally fine.
Gigolos?...That would be the first thought that comes to mind, but these guys say they're in it for the real thing. Yeah. They say that a relationship with an older woman is a welcome change to the younger women they're used to dating. They say that maturity and security are the positives to dating a Cougar. Older women don't have toddlers that they're looking for a baby's daddy. They're not still working their way through school, sleeping their way through the clubs, looking for a man to take care of them, or take them to the mall. These women are strong and have already been where a younger woman may still be trying to get to. They provide stimulating conversation absent of the superficial, and are rediscovering 'fun'. And of course...there's the sexual prowess of an experienced older woman!
With the shortage of eligible men in a particular age group, economic status, or even mental capacity, older women are finding that they're having to make some changes to their lists or the one that society deems suitable for them.
So, are they stealing from the Kittens?
They'll get over it. Afterall, they've got youth...and old coots willing to be their "Suga Daddys".
Let me hear your thoughts or whether you have a preference.

Go ask the Boss!

GO ASK THE BOSS!

Writer, speaker, and former international model is here to set the record straight for you. She offers her advice on everything from relationships to pop culture.

Candlelight and Chocolates......

Is that what we really want?

If you ask a man what his idea of being romantic would be....Most likely, you'll get answers along the lines of giving flowers, a candlelit bubble bath, or maybe even leaving love notes on the bathroom mirror for his lady love. But, are these nuiances really the way women gauge a satisfying relationship? Or are these appreciated perks, less important to some of us than others when it comes right down to what really makes our hearts skip a beat?

While Terry, 38, Atlanta, says that flowers and a tennis bracelet are the right romantic moves to get her attention...Joey, 27, Los Angeles, finds that simply spooning on the couch while watching TV is enough to create magic for her. Going through a divorce forced me personally, to re-examine just what my true romantic needs were. Was it just the fact that my spouse no longer wrote me poetry that caused my complaints of romantic deprivation? Hardly. Self-discovery can be a beautiful thing. It is the moment when you're truly ready to acknowledge the voice of your soul rather than that of your girlfriends, or society's ideals about romance.

What is it that truly makes you smile and say, 'He must've heard the voice, too.'? For some, it may be the amount of cash your lover shells out on your romantic interludes that coherces you into keeping him. But after a long day on her feet, Linda of Chicago, finds that a foot massage and pedicure given by her man to be a more welcome surprise than a vase full of expensive poseys. However, most women won't argue that candlelight and chocolates are great romantic overtures. For me, the real thing is having your sweetheart call you each morning (even long distance) to ask the question....'What can I do for you today?'

You see, this is where it all starts. Most women will agree. Sometimes, you just want to know that a man cares enough to ask if there's anything at all you need. It could be picking up your dry-cleaning for you, or taking your child to the dentist, or maybe you don't need anything at all. But, wouldn't we all appreciate starting out our day at least hearing the question asked?

All that's required for good romance is sincere effort and consistency. So, the next time you complain to your man about being more romantic, ask yourself if it's really another Hallmark you want, or simply for him to say, 'I love you' every night before you go to bed. I'd take this over Godiva's any day of the week.

Doo Doo Dates.....

Just Why?

Okay, here's the situation...a small group of women recount their craziest or worst dates in recent weeks (myself, included). I've left out names... not for the women's benefit, but to protect the men who took us out and forgot to stop and buy the book to tell them what to do (or what not to...you'd think they'd know this stuff)!

Mine, didn't think it was necessary to wear socks...with dress shoes. Why?

Anyway....

Lady #1...Okay, you know I'm like Monk when it comes to germs, right?
Lady #2...(snicker) Okay...What happened?
Lady #1...Mr. X came over to my house the other night to watch some DVDs. Well, I noticed that he was touching the inside of his nose, repeatedly. Then he kept trying to touch my hand, so I kept on moving it. Then...he goes to my refrigerator and starts looking around in there. Girl, I couldn't take it no more!
Lady #2...So, what'd you do?
Lady #1...I told him to wash his hands and go home!

(laughter)

Lady #2...Okay, I got one for you. How about, I'm sitting in the restaurant next to my date but I can't stop staring at the back of his neck, because his hairline goes all the way down to meet the hair on his back.

(mouths open, in disbelief)

Lady #3...Uh uh, what?

(more laughter)

Lady #2...So, all these images are going around in my head and I start trying to figure out how you can work hair clippers into foreplay!

(hysterical laughter)

Lady #3...But wait...I asked my date why he'd never been married at his age. He turns to me and says, "I got issues."
Lady #2...At least he's honest.
Lady #1...Did he say what his issues were?
Lady #2...Did he need to? The brotha said he had issues...it's time to call a cab.
Lady #3...Or cousin Bubba 'an nem'!

(laughter)

Just Why?

Bad Karma....an excerpt

One of mine...
PROLOGUE

Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she removed the two chocolate candy kisses from the left-side pocket of her cardigan. She could feel a churning down deep in the pit of her stomach. She was sure that at any moment, her knees might buckle from underneath her. She carefully removed the foil wrapper from one of the candies, and popped it into her mouth, placing the other in the mouth of the dead man. The sweet euphoric taste of the chocolate quickly soothed the sick feeling that had suddenly come over her. The sight of blood always had this effect on her. And this guy was a real bleeder. She hated that.

Karma Beaumont glared at her now chipped, brightly-colored thumbnail in disbelief.

"Damn, you!" she said, kicking the dead man hard in the ribcage. "...It'll be at least another week before I can get this fixed." She knelt down beside him and took something from her pocket.

"Slipped your mind, did it?...Well, here's a little reminder for the afterlife."

Karma wrote the words, "CALL ME" across his forehead in crimson red lipstick.

M.A.C., in Lady Danger, works like a charm.